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First of all, I’d like to thank all of you for sticking around. Two weeks ago, I ended my post with my usual, “Love you all! Post you next weekend!” Then when that weekend came, I didn’t keep my word. I know, it’s not like you guys were waiting by your digital devices all weekend, eagerly anticipating my next episode, checking your Inboxes and WordPress readers every five minutes. It’s just that, I wouldn’t take my blog followers for granted. I want to keep my word and be reliable, whether you read my posts religiously, or not. One of the most important qualities of being a good blogger, is being good to your audience. Gaining their trust, by staying consistent and reliable.
When I started caring about this blog again, my goal was to do one or two posts each weekend. I don’t have kids and a husband, or pets, or even a day job, so I don’t have to juggle nearly as many tasks as most people. I write, read, blog, do the social media thing, and the basic day-to-day stuff—eat, shower, clean the bathroom etc. Still, I struggle to manage my time properly. Dividing all of my to-dos in a by-the-clock schedule doesn’t work for me. I’d only tried it countless times, but it never sets well with the way my quirky brain operates.
My nearly-schizophrenic case of synesthesia insists that certain measurements of time are constantly moving scrolls of color coded blocks. These blocks are hollow, translucent, and made of energy vibes. Outside, I could still see that the sky is blue, and the sun looks the same. But because this is December, there’s a part of my brain that says that the whole world is encased inside a hollow, vibrant pink block.
In reality, the months of the year move in the direction of Earth’s revolution around the sun, and days move from East to West, but my brain insists that the passing of time moves downward, like the downward scrolling on a computer screen, but in a three-dimensional sort of way. Maybe a better way of explaining it would be: The passing of time is like always moving upward in an invisible elevator. Each color coded month block is like a different story of a god-sized building. The passing of each color coded day of the week block is like moving upward through the stories of an interior giant building within the god-sized building. It’s Sunday, as I write this. So, according to my brain. The world is inside the vibrant pink December block, but its also inside the white Sunday block within the pink block. Simply acknowledging that the date is the 13th, makes a giant, translucent, brown and green 13 overlap the white of Sunday.
If I pay attention to hours, it divides each day block into color coded hour blocks. Half-hours, quarters of hours, minutes, and so on could divide each hour block into smaller and smaller blocks. One would think that this psychosis induced time compartmentalizing would help me manage my time better. However, dividing my day block into smaller blocks actually disrupts my ability to fully concentrate.
When trying to do the by-the-clock structure, I set my talking calculator to announce every hour. Dividing my day into hourly time slots segments one solid colored, large, roomy space into multiple different colored spaces that are much tighter. The hour blocks are too small to move through, in the invisible elevator, but I could feel the blocks scrolling downward through my body, like a slow motion, vertical Assembly line. Each one of their hollow spaces can fit my mind. For example, if I’m working within the reddish brown 11:00 hour block, and then my calculator says that it’s 12:00, I literally feel my mind pass through the energy walls of the end of the 11 block, and beginning of the 12 block. Then my mind is in the hollow space of the 12:00 hour, which is kind of the color of blue-ish green tinted fluorescent lights. While trying to fill each hollow block with productivity, the calculator’s announcement triggering the feeling of passing through the energy boundaries of each hour gets very disruptive and annoying, breaking my already brittle sense of focus. If I check the time before the hour is up, it makes it harder to concentrate, because I can’t help anticipating the coming of the hour’s energy boundary. Then I get anxious about whether or not if I could fill the rest of the block with enough of what needs to be done, before the next block comes. Sometimes not checking the time makes me anxious. Just the thought of the next block coming any minute, before I could finish filling my current hour, makes it difficult to concentrate. If I checked the time, and it’s a quarter till the next hour, I’d often just give up and do nothing until I pass through the beginning boundary of the following hour. Those minutes of wasted time add up.
If I don’t acknowledge the hours within the day, and keep my calculator’s hourly announcement off, the color coded hour blocks go away. Then I have a nice, solid colored, spacious day block to move through. This makes me able to concentrate much better, moving things along in a smoother flow. I can get more accomplished, with a more primitive style of scheduling things. (After breakfast and getting ready for the day, do this and that task. After dinner, do that and this task, and get ready for bed.)
If the colors of dates, and the color coded blocks of hours go away, when I don’t acknowledge them, maybe the same would happen if I stopped paying attention to what day of the week or month it is. If I could do that, my focus and concentration might be flawless! However, I know that’s not an option. There’s birthdays and holidays to remember, and important medical appointments to keep track of. Even though I found a more suitable method for being productive, I still kind of suck at doing things I’d planned to do each week, and staying consistent. I still get side-tracked, especially by weaknesses, like the distracting allure of a dam good book.
Man, oh man, when I can’t put a book down, the rest of the world and life’s responsibilities can go fuck-off. I admit, that’s what happened last weekend.
I love you guys, and I love this blog, but I’ve become addicted to Sarah Canon’s Shadow Demons series. Books 8 and 9 were super suspenseful, and so awesomely dark, weird and crazy. I absolutely had to read them back to back. I mean, the half human witch demon princess ended up getting trapped in 1951, by the evil priestess of the Emerald gates. I had to find out if she could get back to the present time, and reunite with her demon boyfriend. I’m halfway into book 10 now. Thankfully, book 11 doesn’t come out until May, but I don’t think that’ll calm my obsession. I still have her spin-off series, sacrifice Me to feast on, which I’ll probably also get obsessed with. Yeah, I spotted a plot hole or two, in some of her books, and I picked out when there were parts of some storylines that were brushed over, but her books are soooooooo addictive. The only book of hers that I wasn’t crazy about is A Life With No Regrets from her Fair Hope New Adult romance series. The rest of her fans loved that book, but for me, Jo and Colton were a boring couple to read about. So many chapters about them just spending quality time together in different settings, and too much repetitious, cliche inner monologues about their attractions to one another, and their doubts and fears about getting into a committed relationship. Ugh. I couldn’t get into that one until Chapter 20. The ending, at least was adorable in that romantic, chick flick movie sort of way that we romance readers love.
I got into humbly reprimanding myself, to talking about my time synesthesia, to going on about Sarah Canon. Sheesh, talk about a brittle sense of focus. Maybe my struggle with time management isn’t my quirky brain’s fault. It’s Sarah Canon’s fault. I sure hope my HECCTROSSIPY and DARK ADMIRATION series’ have that same effect on people, someday. I’ll end this post now, because I’ve been working on it for hours. The more hours I work on it, the less time I get to read book 10 of the Shadow Demons series, deceiving Darkness. It’s getting awfully dark and bloody and kick-ass.
Love you all! Post you after I finish book 10, and read the Sacrifice Me series!
Nah, just kidding!
Love you all! Post you soon!