I went to catch up on Twitter. Seconds after I opened the app, a pop-up came, asking if my e-mail address was still my current one, and if it isn’t, it offered an option to update my address. So I don’t lose access to my e-mail account. I was like, “What the hell? This is odd.” I never do anything with Twitter, through my e-mail. So I went to close the pop-up, but there was no “close” button. And no button that said, “cancel”, “dismiss”, or “not now” either. I had two options for getting out of this window. Confirm that the address they had is still the one I’m using, or update my address through them. But through who? I didn’t think this message was from Apple or Google, because it had no alert tone. And it didn’t have a “cancel” button, like Apple or Google pop-ups do. I suspected I was being targeted by a scammer.
Sometimes, when you close an app, and reopen it, a little while later, annoying things go away. Like when you accidentally tap open the wrong option, and you get stuck there, or the app gets all buggy. I assumed that this would work with getting rid of this stupid scam window. So I tried it, but it didn’t work. I tried it several times. Still, the suspicious window stubbornly refused to let me get into Twitter, unless I gave it what it wanted.
Meanwhile, since I couldn’t catch up on Twitter, I caught up with friends on FaceBook. Everything was going all Lah-dee-dah until I decided to explore the FaceBook menu, which is like a whole other vast universe. It was fun to open up all the unfamiliar options, just to see what they were for. The last unfamiliar option I opened, is called Town Hall.
Town Hall allows you to get connected with your local government, but first, you have to confirm your location. I wasn’t interested. So I hit the “back” button, or at least I tried to. No matter how many times I swiped through everything on the screen, and no matter how carefully I poked around the top lefthand corner, I could not find the “back” button. I swear, it was like the button totally disappeared! Was this a trap? A way for the local powers-that-be to force me to allow them to know where I am, at all times? I finger-searched the screen, a few more times, and still found no possible way out of this Town Hall window, except for confirming my location, to connect my phone to the government.
Or maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe I wasn’t being targeted on Twitter, and Google just changed their pop-up alerts. Maybe there is a “back” button in the Town Hall window, but my voiceover couldn’t see it, for some reason. Either way, I was afraid of what could happen, if I surrendered to these windows. But if I didn’t surrender, who knows how long they would block me from Twitter and FaceBook! AAAHHH!
Problem solved. Sorry, scammer. Sorry, government. Or sorry, whoever is out to get me, in my delusional paranoia. You can’t mess with me, when I’m armed with the power to reboot my phone, ha ha ha ha haaaaaa.